Uno: Fully Articulated "We are created from music, photography, literature and the almighty source code."

How To Be A God In Bali

Today, the intrepid non-Balinese tour guides, Hyae Na and Kaelen, are back! Together, we shall follow them to the sacred grounds of the Goa Gajah in Ubud, Bali.

Welcome to the Goa Gajah, also known as the Elephant Cave.

“On your left is me, Kaelen, and on your right is Uno! We are chillin’ out on a pile of rocks.”

Beauty and the Beach

The Ritz-Carlton in Bali is located on a bluff overlooking the Indian Ocean. The resort has been designed so beautifully that you will find only glorious views here, no matter where you are. Well, if you’re right behind a fat, hairy Caucasian man who has miraculously squeezed himself into an itsy-bitsy pair of tangerine Speedos, maybe you need to move elsewhere.

That’s a much better perspective.

Ritz, Glitz and Gone.

Four beats to the gong, a chorus of “Selamat Datang!” from an ensemble of men wearing gold sarongs, then a beautiful Balinese lady in an elaborate ceremonial garb steps forward, bows and puts a lei of white frangipani around your neck. When there is much fuss like this, you know you are entering a very luxurious hotel. This is the Ritz-Carlton in Jimbaran, and it is Bali’s most luxurious resort hotel.

It looks posh enough to trash.

No man is an island.

From the hilltop Salsa Bar at the Grand Hyatt, one can see a curious little structure at the tip of Nusa Dua. Joey decided this was the day to find out what it is. Packing her camera, a bottle of water and some cashew nuts (enough to keep her alive for two days), we walked down the beach, past the sign that warned “You are now leaving the Grand Hyatt”, and into the unknown.

Yeah, I walked. No kidding. Ask Joey.

See? Who said I can’t walk? The same buffoon who said Lugosi and I are one? I scoff.