Is Tonyo coño?
Room 402, Dormitorya Tzara
8:00 PM
Ulalume! Donde esta?
Hola.
Tito Tonyo! You’re here!
Come, make beso your tito.
Hola, Maven. Como esta?
Hello, Tito Tonyo. I’m fine, thank you.
What’s that you’re watching? I hope it’s, y’know, educational.
The second teaser video of the new Mistula song! Come see!
Mistula? That weird band?
They’re not weird! They’re just … not your usual band. Have you listened to their songs?
I didn’t bother. I’m sure I won’t like them. They’re in Filipino. You know naman I don’t understand Filipino.
Well, too bad. Ulalume and I are Black Rosary members.
We’re going to be roadies someday, Tito Tonyo!
Que horror! Girls from de buena familias do not mingle with rock bands! Rock music is for the … hoi polloi. It’s not for the, y’know, social elite?
Dude! They’re wearing black. They must be, y’know, Satanists!
Priests wear black. Besides, their latest song is for the church. It’s a prayer, sung by a choir!
Hija, don’t be deceived. Have you heard of backmasking? I’m sure if you play that song in reverse it’s all about devil worship! That’s what struggling rock bands do. They sell their souls to the devil for fame and money. The poor can be desperate, y’know, desperado?
Ulalume, your uncle is weird.
He’s not weird; he’s coño.
Why don’t we just watch the FIFA World Cup and cheer for España, eh?
See you later, Tito Tonyo.
I’m getting so asar with this rock band. They should be, y’know, banned!
❧
Asar is a Filipino word for “annoying”.
A NOT-SO-BRIEF EXPLANATION: A well-educated 12-year-old like Ulalume using the word “coño” might come as a shock to our Spanish friends, but in the Philippines, it is a derogatory term used to refer to a wealthy Insular Spaniard raised and/or living in a gated community.
The coño are characterized by their use of English and Spanish in daily communication. They awkwardly insert Filipino words in their sentences in an attempt to belong but cannot speak the language fluently even if they’ve spent most of their lives in the Philippines.
Since coño people live cloistered lives inside upper-class communities, they have a limited or perhaps, selective view of reality. They may not be fully aware that they reside in a third-world country and continue to deny the local culture, choosing to uphold the foreign traditions from their “homelands”, e.g. football, Easter egg hunts and Halloween costume parties.
In an attempt to hide their wealth, coño people dress in simple but unmistakably expensive clothes, not seeming to realize that the casual shirts and khakis they prefer only further accentuate their Caucasian features.
Most coño people have long Spanish names, passed on and retained within their aristocratic families. These are often shortened to outlandishly cute Filipino nicknames like Iñaki, Belay, Kayen or Jijo.
A coño does not usually know he is coño, like Tonyo.
Don’t get me wrong; we have a lot of coño friends. Tonyo might not be one of them.
Dormitorya Tzara tenants Ulalume and Maven belong to Mistula roadies, Krishna and Tin.
Tita Anj made pasalubong Tonyo’s Volks sneakers. Muchas gracias!
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July 15th, 2010 - 23:56
You know, Tonyo, try, like, lightening up a bit about rock bands? It’s not all about satanists and stuff like that, di ba? XD
I’m sure the girls are good girls, like, you know. I’m sure they know what’s good for them, yeah dude?
July 16th, 2010 - 16:46
Good girls are always drawn to these evil people. I don’t understand talaga! I’m going to make sumbong Ulalume to her tita now. She’s going to be so lagot.
July 16th, 2010 - 17:16
I know, right? Baka it’s the bad boy factor, you know? Pero di ba, some actually are really nice people, like, mabait?
Omigawd. Tita Musetta. Like. Omigawd, I’m sure Ulalume will be totally lagot. I’m takot na for her! Like, you know?
July 16th, 2010 - 20:05
Dude naman! Ulalume should just keep away from these rock bands, por favor! I’m sure they’re not naliligo. Basta, I’m making her sumbong now so her Tita Musetta can make her sermon!
July 16th, 2010 - 00:44
Hola! Beso.
Haha this was funny. Made me laugh. <3
I'm glad you're wearing the sneaks, tonyo-tonyo!
… I just have to say, wow, Maven looks gorgeous in this.
Also… Lovely voice, Manx. ^_^
July 16th, 2010 - 16:59
Count on us for comic relief! Thanks for the sneakers, Anj! They’re perfect for our coño dude.
Maven has always been gorgeous! And Manx says thanks!
July 16th, 2010 - 01:44
Wow, another quirky (and gorgeous!) character joins the FA fold. When will it end, Joey?
Uno, he needs to be converted into the Mistula faith! Do something!
July 16th, 2010 - 17:00
It will end when I start saving up for Bean’s educational fund.
July 16th, 2010 - 17:03
Aw, man. It’s going to take a lot to convert this one. I think just listening to him talk will wear my patience thin.
July 16th, 2010 - 02:50
Antonio Apolinario Bonifacio Vito Cruz de Asturias y Extremadura…..
Que horror indeed…… I’m suddenly experiencing a painful migraine just remembering the whole name O.o”’.
July 16th, 2010 - 17:06
Just call him Tonyo! Or recite all the streets around España in Manila! You’ll get his name right.
July 16th, 2010 - 06:03
More fan girls! ;op
Nice little slice of life there!
July 16th, 2010 - 17:08
Ulalume and Maven have been Mistula followers for a long time! They just are not allowed to stalk the band as much because as you can see, they have a strict guardian.
July 16th, 2010 - 08:06
. . .I had to look up some words there~lol Clearly, I need to watch more Dora The Explorer.
Lumie and Maven~ So adorable~! And Tonyo, you’re so, you know. . . guapo~ :”>
July 16th, 2010 - 17:11
Sorry, Lala! Well, now you know how to say “Where are you?” and “How are you?” in Spanish.
Tonyo says gracias! And that means “thank you”. Haha!
July 16th, 2010 - 11:32
tonyo cannot undertand filipino and yet he spoke filipino by saying “you know naman”how come?!
July 16th, 2010 - 17:13
Naman eh. You did not read my not-so-brief explanation! The answer to your question is there.
July 16th, 2010 - 17:50
Finally!! I see Tonyo in action!! Thanks Uno you finally introduced your friend who have the longest name I ever heard!!
Uhmm.. Tonyo..Why does you sound like Manny Pacquiao , you know? Maybe that’s your cool factor , you know..
Oh I haven’t see the second teaser of your newest song…
Ulalume and Maven are cute as usual!!
July 16th, 2010 - 19:45
Uh. No. You got it all wrong. Tonyo is a half-Spaniard, half-Filipino raised in the Philippines, not a Bisaya like Manny Pacquio. He does not say “drenk yor melk” or “roosted highland leegyoms”.
Hang around Ateneo and you’re sure to meet people who speak like Tonyo.
July 17th, 2010 - 11:37
Oh no.. That’s not what I mean.. I know that Tonyo is half-Spaniard, Half-Filipino… Whenever Tonyo say “you know?” It reminds me of Manny who always says “you know” when his being interviewed.. ahhmm you know?
July 19th, 2010 - 20:17
I only know that Manny Pacquiao cannot speak English very well and has a heavy Visayan accent and that he is the last person I’d associate with Tonyo, who does not even watch boxing. He only likes football and polo.
July 16th, 2010 - 19:50
There’s a link to the second teaser video on the entry. You seem to have missed it, like you missed our social commentary on coños. Look a little harder, dearest.
July 16th, 2010 - 18:04
Dios mio, Tonyo! You’re so straightforward! Haven’t you taken the adorkable, patient owner of this blog into consideration?
I’m a member of the Black Rosary too, and yet I religiously go to church every Sunday and every first Friday. C’mon, por favor?
July 16th, 2010 - 19:54
Lo siento, pero … who is the adorkable, patient owner of this blog? I don’t think we’ve met.
July 16th, 2010 - 21:00
Why Uno, of course. He’s the bassist of Mistula.
Donde puede estar…?
I guess your sobrinita didn’t bother filling you in.
Really Tonyo, Mistula isn’t Satanic. You have my word of honor!
July 19th, 2010 - 20:28
I am on the blog of Mistula’s bassist? Que horror! Then I should make him demanda for putting my photos here without asking for permission.
July 17th, 2010 - 00:16
i like this post. made me feel better. im so down with the colds. or flu. i dont know yet but i feel i might take fever soon.
and yes MISTULA ISN’T SATANIC. THEY’RE AWESOME.
July 19th, 2010 - 20:31
Thank you! Now go to bed!
July 17th, 2010 - 00:21
and oh i might as well make paturo with tonyo regarding spanish. i will have Foreign language classes soon. *oh noes*
July 19th, 2010 - 21:11
El Español es facil.
July 17th, 2010 - 14:36
I’m not sure if I should laugh or not… I find Tonyo’s speech pattern very amusing.
Also, the fact that he is a doll and is calling Mistula “evil”… He is a very silly guy. ^^;
July 19th, 2010 - 20:50
Tonyo is our tribute to our coño friends, who never fail to amuse me. They are wonderful people who often do not realize how funny they are. I would think it’s alright to laugh – or make fun of them once in a while, as we are doing now. Heh.
It’s rockstars he’s calling evil, not dolls. Although some people think both rockstars and dolls are evil.
July 20th, 2010 - 06:15
Okay, if its okay, then I shall giggle silently to myself. w__>,
July 20th, 2010 - 06:16
…my post was eaten…
July 20th, 2010 - 17:35
Er, you probably typed a symbol that triggered the CSS into eating your comment. Sorry about that.
July 21st, 2010 - 04:11
Bad me. :<
More or less, I said I shall giggle silently. And that I have, sadly, met far too many people who think my dolls are evil. :<
July 18th, 2010 - 13:03
oh tonyo
he is so cute because his face like faolan , lobo’s gangmate
July 19th, 2010 - 23:14
That’s because he’s also a Volks Schoolhead C boy like Faolan.
http://vox-veritas.livejournal.com/95820.html
July 20th, 2010 - 03:46
…can’t stop grinning like mad over it. really.
*sporfles*
A coño does not usually know he is coño, like Tonyo.
I like how it rhymes, dude. *grins some more*
July 20th, 2010 - 18:09
Another weirdo joins the loony bin. Sigh.
July 25th, 2010 - 00:05
I’ve always been in the loony bin. I just take short respites (aka I escape) from time to time. >:3
July 25th, 2010 - 16:58
Oh, Tonyo is the weirdo who just joined the loony bin, not you. But if you think you’re a weirdo, too, join the club!
July 25th, 2010 - 17:44
D’oh. Haha, oh well. Of course, I’d gladly join in.
July 25th, 2010 - 13:50
Not all rock bands are like that. I think Mistula is totally different. Black isn’t for devils you know. I wear black most of the times, it’s good to pair it up with white.
July 25th, 2010 - 18:25
Nigh on everything I know about the Philippines, I’ve learned from Mistula, and here is one more intriguing cultural fact I would never have guessed! If only all my teachers had been as pretty as Tonyo… ^_~
July 25th, 2010 - 20:44
It’s a cultural insight rarely found in Filipino books! You’ll find out more about the Coños as we all get to know Tonyo.
August 2nd, 2010 - 19:37
Ulalume’s tito Tonyo is cute, and the way he talks is funny. I know Mistula is a rock band, but I’ve never once thought of them being satanists. They’re just not one’s average rock bands that give of that demonic feeling.
August 2nd, 2010 - 21:31
People like Tonyo make life a little more interesting.
August 3rd, 2010 - 22:29
You know Joey, this post, like totally made my day, like, sobra. Tonyo is so cute kaya. Kahit na he’s so mali about rock stars, you know.
Tonyo, hijo, rock stars are not Satanistas naman. Well, not all naman….I think. Pero I still like you. And your shoes.
August 5th, 2010 - 02:00
Okay, fine na nga. Let’s go out and discuss this over chocolate con churros. My treat ’cause, y’know, I have lots of money naman.
August 10th, 2010 - 21:35
Hahaha… I just laughed at Tonyo’s coño speech. When he was just being “planned”, I always thought it would be fun to read about him. I just didn’t know how much fun.
And so cute!